Finding the essence of Men

Perhaps, this stage they call adulthood really brings you so much you never have expected in life. Just when you think you have learned just enough to get through this stage, there come much weirder circumstances you never have imagined. And just when you think these things only happen in movies, there goes life again; slapping every little piece of it on your face making you go staggering on its topsy-turvy’s. Then all of a sudden, you’d start to feel you’re too young for the world and it’s labyrinth of uncertainties just when you have thought that you’re old enough.

One thing that has gone so weird in my life lately is having a best friend who is married. His name is Jose, I’m proud to say. For almost a long time I’ve actually forgotten about the feeling of having a best friend, that one person you would always go out with, eat together with, make jokes with, share problems with, share the most embarrassing moments and even secrets with, go childish with, and , even at most circumstances, share your bonuses and monthly salaries with.

The very last time I could recall myself having this kind of friendship was when I was 12 years old. That was when my constant best friend, Julie, and I were still neighbors. But when she had to leave to stay with her grandpips to support her high-school studies, the friendship also had to slowly depart. Nevertheless, I’m still glad that on my special days, she still gets to remember me, and on her most special day, she still called me “Bes”. She is now married.

Julie was my first best friend ever, and now having Jose in my life is kind of weirder. Why? He’s my first ever “real” guy best friend. I have to say “real” because I had a guy friend once I was so close to in college. But he was gay. So I really have to quote the word. But aside from being a real guy, what’s so unique—if not weird—about our friendship is that he is married, with a one-year-old son, and I’m an NBSL: No Boyfriend since the Last. And the last was 7 years ago.

With Jose being always around, my life since the past 7 years kind of turned up-side-down. Seems I had to start from the very beginning. From understanding a man’s emotions, his sentiments, his ways of expressing it, and his actions, to knowing his wants, his likes, his needs, and what makes up all his happiness. It seemed that through Jose, I am able to see the other face of a relationship and of life itself. Before, I was more exposed to women’s stories of life and love, our hopes, and our own sentiments. I even always stand up for women’s rights, defend weak girls who cannot fight for themselves, physically or emotionally, and even speak for them when they cannot speak for themselves at the face of a man. I can almost name myself a feminist. Or maybe I am.

But now, I’m beginning to see life in two perspectives, and slowly learning to view it from a man’s angle. And my best friend brought me there.

But despite all these things I’ve had, every lesson and enlightenment I’ve learned from Jose, there is still much in adulthood, I believe at this page of my life, I still cannot conquer—the married life.

Listening to Jose’s sentiments sometimes really makes me feel frustrated. Makes me feel I’m not of any help. When he starts mentioning words like “wife” and “son”, I suddenly feel like I have lost all the comprehension skills I have learned in my entire 22 years in life. I could not understand. Not a single sound of it. I could not feel. Therefore, I could not empathize. I cannot fit, not even one foot on his shoe. And it’s hard.

Recently, it’s the same feeling I was not able to escape from the time my best friend Julie got married. When she started walking down the aisle, all I had in mind was the word “No”. It seemed the end of days to me. But her face, her smile, clearly told me that it was all happiness to her.

This is what is currently bothering me and my friendship with Jose. Whenever he starts talking about his sick son, or his wife’s mom, I could only stare, and wonder…and listen…and nothing else. I wish to help. I wish I could say more, give advices, or maybe just warm words to elate him. But how can I when I really can’t relate? Not even with his stories with his wife? At this phase of our friendship, I could only keep silent, and within that length of silence, I could only wonder.

How does he look like when he walks with his wife? How does his smile look, his laugh sound, when he’s playing with his son? It’s all but a wonder. My friend being a husband, and my friend being a father.

Well, how could a young woman of 22 and of 7 years without boyfriend ever understand? I guess this is God’s way of making me realize the point of a man’s existence in a woman’s life. Not just in intimate relationships or in marriage, but in friendship as well. It is His one way of making me open my eyes, my mind, and my heart to a well-lay-outed plan He has made ever since the beginning of time…for a woman to trust, to have faith, and to finally, let go of one’s self to one man she would truly love. Those are some things I would barely understand about life and men. But having my new best friend around, I guess I’d make it through this stage of adulthood and finally find the essence of men.
Tags: memories